Riverdale

New series on the CW.  If asked, I most identify with Jughead.  Why might you ask?  If you aren’t up to date on the series then read no further…

I guess you can already see some similarities between us.  I like to write, as does Jughead. He is interested in local news as pertaining to the murder mystery of who killed Jason Blosom. I love murder mysteries.  Otherwise similarities are not so easy to spot, unless you know me and my back story.

Episode S1E7 made me cry. I don’t cry easy, but just let me say this episode in particular touched me.  It was because I felt what Jughead was going through with his dad.  Having a parent who is “drowning,” to use the words of Fred Andrews, Archie’s dad, you can try to help them all you want but in the end they just pull you down with them.  If they don’t want to help themselves there is NOTHING you can do to help them.  I know that Jughead still has hope.  I don’t blame him for that, but I’ve been there for such a long time I have given up hope.  I do hope for him in this series that he doesn’t have to wait long and his dad will change… but that remains to be seen.  

Chapter One: The River's Edge

Riverdale — “Pilot” — Pictured: Cole Sprouse as Jughead

You see when you are a child you don’t really understand everything about your parents. When you reach high school you think you know everything, and you don’t always see both sides to each story or know your own parent’s back story.  I have found out lots of things and a lot of them I won’t bore you with. I was always made to believe I was such a bad kid.  Truth be told, I wasn’t nearly as wild or such a bad seed!  I have only begun to find out in the past 10 years more about both of my parents.  My dad is the one who has been the one I could rely on.  My mother, on the other hand not so much.  I have been out on my own since I was about 17.  That was when my parents split up and I tried living at home with just my mom.  That just didn’t work out for me.  My mother is very controlling individual. Lots of guilt trips were put on me if I didn’t stop what I was doing straight away and bring her whatever she wanted.  No matter what I was doing. She went to a party with me after seeing a friend’s band play and I was informed that she was upstairs smoking pot. You might see my complaints as well she didn’t have it that bad. I’m not saying my life is the worst story you have ever heard…let me just state that right now.

Once I was out on my own, couch surfing and living somewhat out of my own car… she would still ask me for favors. My mother has had a few boyfriends. All of them being losers, and each one being a bigger one than the last. The first one she would call me up and have me go spy on him by driving by his house after I left work. JOY. I remember taking her over to his house to get some of her stuff back when the cops were called out to the location because they had an altercation. I remember he was with some other lady at the time who was trying to pit us against one another. I called her out on this and refused to play into her mind game. First time I cussed in front of an officer. Good times.

Then there was the second loser of a boyfriend. He had bipolar disorder and would routinely not have enough funds for his medicines so he would go without. I would on the random occasion be contacted because he was being mean to her and I was supposed to do something about it. One occasion, I was out at dinner celebrating a friend’s birthday and was called to come fix her food because he would not do so.  I also got called once because he was throwing stuff at her and I was to make sure he left the house. After she kept letting him come back I put a stop to her calling me to help her break up with him.

Now my mom is with her third boyfriend…second of which she has been living off of his disability with him. A tree came down and basically ruined her house and she for some reason thought she would try to see if they could stay with me. I knew that if I did that I would never be able to get her out of my small one bedroom apartment. So I told her no. Then I got a guilt trip on which I hung up on her. I stopped talking with my mom for about two years until her mom, my grandmother, was about to pass. We don’t talk much now and I actually like it better.

I have actually learned to let go do what is best for me… which normally means I don’t speak to my own mother. I learned what it means to love yourself first. [Thanks Jared Padalecki] To me it means to remember your feelings and what you can handle and what you can’t…and its okay to just walk away of you can’t deal.

Further on in the season, Jughead has even more emotional moments with his Dad who just isn’t there for him. I see the parallels when JP talks about how his firing is Mr. Andrew’s fault and takes none of the blame. A sentiment I know all too well. My mom is the same way that it is everyone else’s fault how her life has turned out. Somehow even partly my fault for not doing more to help her… but I refuse to believe that or feel like it is my fault. I am not responsible for supporting not only myself but my mom. I was raised to be independent and to be able to fend for myself. I don’t expect anyone else to support or help me. I’m an adult and that is my job to support myself. Maybe one day my mom can see that fact as well, but I’m not holding my breath.

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Supernatural

     I have just gotten hooked on this show Supernatural. It revolves around these two brothers (Dean and Sam aka Sammie) who hunt things [ghosts, demons, spirits, vampires, warewolves, etc.]. They go around trying to save people from what is out there… the episode I just watched they went after a djinn which is basically a genie. Not like any story of one you and I have ever heard of let me tell you.  (*spoilers coming if you haven’t seen this episode yet in season 2 close to the end of that season)
     You see this djinn makes you see your life how you wish it was and you are in a dream like state while it drains your blood and feeds off of you. Until you die of course from blood loss eventually. Now Dean and Sam were hunting this creature and Dean went to go check out where the djinn might be hiding…even though Sam wanted for them both to go check it out. Dean gets captured by the djinn who shows him how he wishes his life had been… his mom being alive, Dean settled down with a girl, Sam in law school still and now engaged to Jessica, and only thing that is the same is their dad is dead. Everyone keeps noticing how different Dean is acting like… when he found his mom alive and was so happy to see her it really got to me.
     What I would wish if I could. I would want my mom around, and how she used to be…before my dad divorced her. She just has gone downhill so much to the point where I find it better not to talk to her… she has dated one loser after another plus I am very positive she is taking drugs… she acts like she isn’t but when we did talk she was always asking for money and stuff. She doesn’t work and her whole situation is everyone else’s fault but her own… it has been almost two years that I haven’t spoken with my mom. She’s not dead like Dean and Sam’s mom. She even lives close to me in the same town even yet the person she is now is no one I want to have in my life. Sad but the truth.
     In the end Dean makes it out of the trance the djinn put him in…Sam ends up saving him. That episode like all things came to an end… happier than some as both brothers have each other and they verbalize how much they appreciate having family to count on… So whatever your family situation, be it not so dire as Dean and Sammie’s, make a point while you have those you can count on to let them know just how much they mean to you…  seize the day!

Till next time, carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more…

Stuck in Love

In High School I had this one English teacher who had us write in a journal everyday for homework. We had to write three pages a day and show it to her. It could be about anything we wanted just had to be the required length of pages. Seeing the way their Dad had them writing in a journal and paying them for it so they could focus on writing rather than a minimum wage job… reminded me of my teacher. I also liked how the Dad said that a writer is the sum of their experiences… and I have found that to be true. Sometimes we can imagine events that might happen or we can draw from the things we have been through and write about it. Add characters to liven up the telling and change names to protect the innocent or the guilty…

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I really felt like the daughter and I had a lot in common. A good relationship with our Dad’s. Love to read. Cynical about love. I feel like there are two different types of people in the world: realists and hopeless romantics… I used to be what I would call a romantic…looking for love and getting my heart broken over and over again. Now I feel like I am more of realist. I kinda even like her motto…

Avoid love at all costs…that’s my motto.

I have been single for quite awhile now. I have gotten so used to it that I really like it. I can’t really see myself being with someone. I like coming and going when I please…and planning trips with my friends. I see movies, concerts, hockey games, travel to new places, and lots more… I can’t say I don’t miss some things but for the most part I do not miss the drama and the fighting that comes along with a relationship. (Well they have always been very much a part of any relationship I had in the past.) Life is too short to live it unhappy. I have always been scared of lots of things but more scared of not trying at all. So I take chances. Sometimes it pays off. Other times it doesn’t.

So here is where I currently am in my life. My Mom and I don’t talk. She likes being around whatever guy she is dating and doing drugs more than talking to her own daughter. Even before we didn’t really have the greatest relationship. My Dad and I have done nothing but grow closer the past 10 years… he is like my best friend. The end of last year was very difficult for me as I thought I had lost my grandmother. She is like my other best friend. She was very sick for a long time and just wasn’t herself. So I could still talk to her but she didn’t always understand or even realize who I was. Sometimes she thought I was my mom…or other people. Now she is better and I am happy to have her where I can talk to her again…but I don’t feel like I can tell her what is bothering me anymore because of a lot of things mostly I am scared of loosing her. Her husband and my grandfather died this past January. When I am not blogging and spilling out all my feelings in posts… I work a full time job and take two classes a semester at the local college. I lead a busy existence. When it gets to much I try to slow down and remember to enjoy the small moments I spend with friends and family.

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So live for the now…spend as much time as you can with the ones you love…and always be true to yourself.

Until the next time…catch you on the flip side.

Pineapple Express

Have you ever had one of those embarrassing moments? Come on don’t lie almost everyone has at least one if not more they wish they could forget about… sweep under the rug and I think you know what I mean. Well this is just one of my embarrassing moments from my past. **Spoiler alert if you are fan of smoking pot this post might not be for you…** or maybe you will laugh at my embarrassment who knows… any who the story continues…

This happened back in my early college days. Right after high school… I was hanging out around a local band. I worked with the guitarist for said band and went to listen to them practice. I loved going to see all of their shows…

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I remember that night like it was just yesterday. I went to one of their shows and my Mom tagged along with me. My Dad had just divorced her not that long ago and so it just made sense. So after the show my friend invited us to come along to a party they were having for the band and other people. I always liked parties so I said sure…why not! So to the party we went… my Mom included. So I just was hanging out with some friends on the first floor of the house that the party was being held at with my Mom being MIA. They were playing White Zombie and people were talking and some were dancing. My friend “the guitarist” finally arrived with his girlfriend. I remember seeing him go up stairs…then he came abruptly back downstairs. He found me chit chatting with a friend and took me aside… he told me that my Mom was upstairs smoking pot. He thought I might want to know. He and his girlfriend then left the party because of the people with the pot. I always associate that memory of my Mom smoking pot with the Sublime song “What I got”. I believe the line is, “I don’t get angry when my Mom smokes pot”. I wasn’t angry but I was embarrassed. I am not a person to really condone usage of illegal substances by anyone. In my state it is still considered that way. Plus I knew my friend “the guitarist” didn’t approve of it either.

So it is up to you to decide how embarrassing a moment you may or may not think that was… or feel free to share one of your own with me in the coments. The title of my blogs for this month of October are all movie related. I chose the title Pineapple Express for this one because that movie is about pot (with lots of jokes with Rogen and Franco) but of course…

Till the next blog… I’ll catch you on the flip side!