The perks of being a wallflower

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So this statement pretty much sums me up today…well most days really. This is my life. I was happy when work was over but sad for the events that transpired after that. I feel like I went to go say goodbye maybe for the last time to a special person. One who’s cancer is taking their life way to early. In this case you do have a chance to say your goodbyes. I did have a few times where death was unexpected and sudden… One day they were here and the next they were just gone.

The most important things are the hardest to say…

I find that the following statement has so much truth in it that the most important things are the hardest to say. When that happens I find that taking my time to get it out any way possible works the best for things left unsaid tend to eat away at you. The “what ifs” come at you over and over accusing you for all the unknown roads that you could have traveled. I have so many… it makes me remember the classic poem by Robert Frost…the Road not Taken. I wanted to share the poem with you just in case you forgot the elegant prose it contains.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,        

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.        

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Frost shows me how he understands that we have to pick one path. He goes as far to say he is sorry that he cannot travel down both paths. I envision him picking the path less traveled as he describes it as “grassy and wanted wear”. He even notes that even though both had worn down about the same that he did in fact the the one less traveled at the end of the poem… stating that it “made all the difference!” I feel this way about the paths I chose to walk in my own life. I certainly have not picked the usual ones but have enjoyed the journey along the way. Knowing that path leads to the next two choices of pathways to take and I will never come back this way again…

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Something jumped out at me from this photo with this certain quote on it. I have lived my life sometimes very recklessly at times and other times I have spent hours, days, and even months trying to distance myself from people in general. I feel like this blog is an outlet that let’s me choose how I wish to share the details of past or sometimes current events from my life with you…to participate in such a way with you.

Since I am sharing poetry with you tonight I will go ahead and share my favorite poem. I don’t have words to share what it means to me but hoping you will understand just from the reading of it…as with a beautiful song that touches your heart deeply by the hearing of it. I found two that I am fond of so here they are without further introduction.

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Another poem by Frost…

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As with everything in life this blog post too must end… so until next time see you on the flip side.

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This Little LIGHT of Mine

let-it-shine-3-aspirers-camp-1024x723I have been reflecting back on where God has been so good to me this past 6 weeks… really quite visible ways that have showed me just HOW MUCH he cares about me. Before I had my surgery I was in full on PANIC MODE! I knew I needed to get the surgery done to escape full on cancer but what I didn’t have was any sick time or vacation time left at work…and a girl’s got to pay the rent (oh and other bills). I prayed about what to do… The next day the owner of my company called me into his office and told me that he appreciated all my hard work and he would pay me 40 hours a week while recovering at home. I was so SHOCKED to say the least (I later went and gave him a hug to say a big thank you)! I also had a week the third week where I only worked half days but he gave me another week with 40 hours pay. The 4th week was harder as I myself worked a full work week and I thought I was doing good until the weekend after I became very sick. 😦 I slept the whole weekend away trying desperately to get better. It didn’t help. I went to the Doc on Monday and ended up being so sick I missed the entire 5th week of work. I again was in a panic… rent is due the first of the month and I didn’t have enough money to pay it. I prayed. I tried to enjoy what I had of an extra long weekend due to Labor Day. Went in on Tuesday trying to figure how much I would have to come up with for rent when to my utter shock the owner AGAIN paid the difference of the hours that I didn’t have in sick time for missing a whole week of work!!! So along with receiving our commissions as well I have enough money to pay my rent. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

GROWTH MOMENT: So I have been reading this book by DeVon Franklin called Produced by Faith: Enjoy Real Success without Losing Your True Self. I find it SO inspiring and I am just on page 50… I am really savoring the book slowly and taking it all in. Well on Wednesday we have our usual customer service meeting at work… the owner announced a promotion of a co-worker to manager over customer service and some web stores. He also introduced that he will have a customer supervisor position as well that will report to the manger of customer service and help us out. We were to email him if we were interested in the position. Me and my normal (past behavior) would have impulsively just emailed the owner saying I was interested in the position. Did I actually go ahead and email the owner right away like I would have done in the past??? NO. The first thing I did when I got back to my desk was pray about it and ask God if this job opportunity was something in HIS WILL for me that I do. I prayed. I also pondered what it would mean if I got the position. I asked a close friend at work who would not be up for the promotion what they thought about it… What did I end up doing about the position you may ask? I never emailed the owner about it. I felt it wasn’t the right fit for the person God wants me to become nor was it really what I truly wanted. I honestly which is sad would never have thought to pray to God about a promotion at work or even if I should go for a new position. The book I am reading has opened my eyes to so much. God wants to direct our paths and decisions (Bible says so in Proverbs 3:5-6)! So from here on out I plan to consult God on any decisions I need to make. Praise the Lord that he listens and answers prayers. Not always in the way we want but He does. I can attest to that.

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So the title of my blog also happens to be the title of one of my favorite songs. I grew up singing it in church and I always have loved it. There is a new version I found that is performed by Addison Road… here are the lyrics:

There’s a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright, some shine small
The rains will come and the waters rise
But don’t you ever lose your light
In this life you will know
Love and pain, joy and sorrow
So when it hurts, when times get hard
Don’t forget whose child you are

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

May you live each day with no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child’s heart
With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don’t ever let go
There’s a fire inside you burning with hope

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

There will be days when you want to give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don’t you ever forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus’ face
So until then I’m gonna to try
To brave the dark and let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

There’s a little light inside us all…

Let us always remember who’s child we really are! Let us pray to the Father of us all! Let us share all the glorious things He has done for us as a testimony of His wonderful love for us! Let us show others so we will point them to the Lord, God Almighty!

Let your light shine to everyone around you! 😉