My name’s ‘Blurryface’ and I care what you think…

I wish I found some better sounds no one’s ever heard,
I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words,
I wish I found some chords in an order that is new,
I wish I didn’t have to rhyme every time I sang,

I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,
But now I’m insecure and I care what people think.
My name’s ‘Blurryface’ and I care what you think

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young,
How come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from,
I’d make a candle out of it if I ever found it,
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I’d probably only sell one,

It’d be to my brother, ‘cause we have the same nose,
Same clothes homegrown a stone’s throw from a creek we used to roam,
But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered,
Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter.

My name’s ‘Blurryface’ and I care what you think

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.

We used to play pretend, give each other different names,
We would build a rocket ship and then we’d fly it far away,
Used to dream of outer space but now they’re laughing at our face,
Saying, “wake up, you need to make money.”

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.

When I came across this song… not only did the beat draw me in but it reminds me of a simpler time in life.  What if we could go back [in time] like that could ever happen?!


In the immortal words of Wayne Campbell, “Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.”

I was somewhat shocked as I was taking my niece and nephew somewhere recently that my niece  [age 10] knew this song.  She even sang along.  Little did I know, she probably heard it on the radio, but she knew the lyrics just as good as I do!  Although she might understand what the words mean… the meaning of the words to a soul with life experience is very different…at least I believe so.  I think all of us wish not to be stressed out.

When you get out on your own [and start your adventure in adulting] there are bills which if you want those paid you get a job… can we just go back to when we played with toys and friends.  Where are dreams were achievable and nothing could make us lose hope?  Music does that for us.  I think that is why is it so important.  I know the best remedy for me when I am stressed out is to either play my guitar or listen to music!  So pick your favorite musicians and jam to your hearts content and try not to be “stressed out”.  I will do the same.

#AlwaysKeepFighting #YouAreNotAlone #LoveYourselfFirst


Live. Laugh. Love.

So much has happened in the last month.  I have been a bad person not keeping up with my blog posts on here.  Let me explain what all has come to pass in the past few weeks. 

Life is unrelenting and finite and we spend too much time feeling guilty or afraid to truly live it.

I was just going in February and March between going to Dallas Stars games, staying with a friend in Garland [saying that always makes me think of Zombieland], going with some friends to Shreveport, and taking a friend or two to the airport in DFW area… then I started visiting my grandmother almost everyday. She wasn’t doing well and her health declined very quickly.  She passed away on April 9th early in the morning…  I lost my best friend.  My grandmother ment so much to me.  We spent so much time together just talking, playing games, knitting, I would play my guitar for her, and all other kinds of stuff.  We always had fun no matter what.  I’m still emotional at times. The first few days were SO hard.  I felt like I was just going through the motions and trying to function normally.  I was so depressed I came up with the idea to get a puppy. 


Name is Rocco / He's a Manchester Terrier

I felt I needed to get something that relied on me… I needed purpose.  I suffer from depression normally but this sadness I felt was like a black hole.  I searched until I found my little buddy!  I went and got him last weekend from a shelter somewhat of a drive from where I live.  He is so cute, full of life, and for the most part brings me lots of joy! 

Until he decided to chew up the bottom plastic in his crate.  I took that out because he destroyed it.  Then he took to tearing holes out of the carpet.  I was in shock, upset, and anxious he will tear up more things.  I have a solution for the time being but am still working stuff out.  A friend sent me this appropriate meme… [see below]


SO now I am busy training a puppy, working at a law firm [totally love my job], getting my new SUV all hairy [thanks to Rocco], and just living life.  I will always miss my grandmother. But I can remember the good times we had and enjoy life. That’s what she would have wanted…

Walker Stalker Dallas

Okay so I went to the Walker Stalker convention in Dallas this weekend where I had a BLAST! It was so neat to be there around so many people who I have seen in movies and TV shows. Oh but you say no pictures means it didn’t happen right? Well don’t worry I have plenty of proof to show you just what went down…  there were also cool folks just walking around like this guy who I took a picture with…


I got to the show and meet up with my friend and her husband. I beelined to meet Seth Gilliam [Dr. Deaton on Teen Wolf and Gabriel on the Walking Dead]. He was SO nice and just was so easy to talk with… Then we went around and the line for both “Glenn” and “Hershel” was so long…I did get a snap shot of Scott Wilson a.k.a. Hershel [see below].


We continued to walk around and we ran into Cecil Ricks… [this guy won a Rick lookalike contest and man did he look like him] my friends took a photo with him.


Next we found some more of the cast of the Walking Dead… said hello to the guy who plays Tyreese. Then came across Denis O’hare who plays on American Horror Story…but also played Russell Edgington in True Blood. [A very crazy vampire king] I got to take a photo with him…he is very nice in person and not crazy! Lol


We went to a panel that had Jordan Woods-Robinson and Ross Marquand. They were funny and Ross did a pretty wicked impression of Matthew McConaughey! Jordan also played guitar and sang…


From there I went and got in line for my photo op with Ian Somerhalder! I was nervous but went ahead… when it was my turn he greeted me and called me love. [I incidentally love it when a guy dies that] and he was so very nice that it made me just feel so comfortable around him. I like this picture the best! It really was the moment of the day for me!!! ♡


I then after our photo caught the last of a panel with Michael Rooker [Merle Dixon]. He was absolutely a riot! My favorite part of the panel was when this little kid asked him why he cut off his hand rather than cutting the pipe? He tried to reason with the kid but the kid just kept going on all the other things he could have cut through rather than his hand…to the point Michael asked the kid if he was “still arguing with me? Did your Dad put you up to this?” Lmao!

I then got my photo with Dr. Deaton oh wait I mean Seth… lol


Then I rushed over to the Vampire Diaries panel… and I got to see the whole thing…I was pretty far back but it was worth it.




One of my favorite parts was when they kept getting asked what they would do if a Zombie apocalypse being Damon and Stephan… they were like they would be ok and aren’t Zombies slow? What if they couldn’t survive on Zombie blood? Then they would be okay and they would just play games and knock over the Zombies… then someone asked who of the Winchester’s would they want to kill them? They both were like who? [I might have been a little loud in my voicing of come on guys the Winchesters! Dean and Sam] Then they got it and it was Paul who was like Jared is such a tall dude that every time he is around he is looking up to him….and he feels emasculated by him. Then Paul was like Ian could have the pretty boy one and Ian agreed on Jared as well! Lol.

After that last panel I left because I was famished. So that was my experience on this year’s Walker Stalker convention in Dallas!

Life without…

I keep being reminded of people from my past. Hurtful and very painful things to remember. Wishing I could shut my mind off. There seems often times like there is no hope left. It has been years, yet somehow I still love you. That saying, “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…” is total bullshit. At times I think it would be better to just be lonely…than to know what it feels like to be wanted and then discarded like trash. Bitter much you might ask? The longer I am by myself and single the worse it gets, unless I can turn off the thinking about it and be carefree. Till I see a reminder of who I once was… hearing a nickname on a show that brings me back to when I was called that. Never thought in a million years that would happen and tonight it did. Wonders never cease, but it made me miss someone I never thought I would. I used to be your “Care” as in care bear, which sounds so stupid to me now, but was so endearing at the time.

So no I don’t want to care about it, you, or my past memories. I wonder how many people can break my heart? How many times can it mend and I keep on going…? I consider myself lucky as I have dated quite a few souls but only really “loved” three in my life thus far.

My first love was like a breath of fresh air. Scary and unbalanced but it was real. We could talk about anything and I could be completely myself around him. I still talked to him up until last year. Now I can’t reach my oldest friend. I think the keeping him around even all these years later has been a blessing and a curse. Then there was another love who we kept missing each other. What I mean is due to circumstances between a long distance relationship to miscommunication it wasn’t meant to be…he was also a dear friend who I could call up at any time. One of the things I miss about him is our hours of conversation and when I was upset he would sing to me. When we had the chance to be around each other you could tell that the appropriate sparks were flying. Then where was the final one I loved. Called me “Care” for care bear and sometimes called me his grumpy care bear… There once was a good side to him that loved me but once his Dad passed he became someone else…and though it dragged on for such a while it ended in disaster.

So now that I have enlightened you with my tale of woe, I must try to find some peace.



     I have just gotten hooked on this show Supernatural. It revolves around these two brothers (Dean and Sam aka Sammie) who hunt things [ghosts, demons, spirits, vampires, warewolves, etc.]. They go around trying to save people from what is out there… the episode I just watched they went after a djinn which is basically a genie. Not like any story of one you and I have ever heard of let me tell you.  (*spoilers coming if you haven’t seen this episode yet in season 2 close to the end of that season)
     You see this djinn makes you see your life how you wish it was and you are in a dream like state while it drains your blood and feeds off of you. Until you die of course from blood loss eventually. Now Dean and Sam were hunting this creature and Dean went to go check out where the djinn might be hiding…even though Sam wanted for them both to go check it out. Dean gets captured by the djinn who shows him how he wishes his life had been… his mom being alive, Dean settled down with a girl, Sam in law school still and now engaged to Jessica, and only thing that is the same is their dad is dead. Everyone keeps noticing how different Dean is acting like… when he found his mom alive and was so happy to see her it really got to me.
     What I would wish if I could. I would want my mom around, and how she used to be…before my dad divorced her. She just has gone downhill so much to the point where I find it better not to talk to her… she has dated one loser after another plus I am very positive she is taking drugs… she acts like she isn’t but when we did talk she was always asking for money and stuff. She doesn’t work and her whole situation is everyone else’s fault but her own… it has been almost two years that I haven’t spoken with my mom. She’s not dead like Dean and Sam’s mom. She even lives close to me in the same town even yet the person she is now is no one I want to have in my life. Sad but the truth.
     In the end Dean makes it out of the trance the djinn put him in…Sam ends up saving him. That episode like all things came to an end… happier than some as both brothers have each other and they verbalize how much they appreciate having family to count on… So whatever your family situation, be it not so dire as Dean and Sammie’s, make a point while you have those you can count on to let them know just how much they mean to you…  seize the day!

Till next time, carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more…


Dreaming. Lots of us have dreams at night. Do you remember yours? I have always been one who has had very vivid dreams and when I wake up I do remember a great deal of what they were about… guess the reason for this post at this time is I had a dream last night, one I remember very well, and I felt writing about this topic might help the feelings I have lingering around after waking up. I rarely have nightmares. Speaking of last night it sometimes feels like I am…


And when I dream I feel like I haven’t gotten the best sleep…it feels like I was watching a movie [just how real my dreams feel sometimes]. I was at a wedding for a friend and the person who was seating folks was being rude for some reason. Then it switched to a friend of mine trying to get me to talk to “you” and I didn’t want to because I feel like you have been avoiding me. I don’t even try to text “you” anymore because of this fact. But I then see “you” right in front of me in my dream. How “you” used to look because we haven’t seen each other in a few years. Every time I end up seeing “you” in a dream when I wake I have these intense feelings of loneliness. That hurts even worse then seeing “you” in the dream. Knowing I haven’t been able to talk to “you” or even know if “you” are okay… my dreams betray me and I know just how much I do miss “you” but I can’t do anything about it. So I go on with my life.

Then I also have had some reoccurring dreams in the past. Let me tell you about those…I always start out in a different location be it an empty hospital or building in a city… and while trying to navigate around I run into scared individuals who I take with me and protect from whatever it is that is looking for us. I never see what that is I just know that we are in constant danger and I have to keep myself and the others safe.

I also have had dreams of an ex of mine. Those are never so pleasant. He was such an ass so he is in the dreams. Other times he is nice to me which was very rare when we were dating but happened. I don’t generally speaking like the dreams that have him in it. I have had my fair few of them nonetheless.

I had a dream once of my childhood home yet in my dream it had multiple stories when mine did not…but I have a wolf or two chasing after me in that house. That dream was pretty terrifying. Yet for some reason I felt safer in that moment as I knew I was in my house… wierd i know tell me about it.

I watch a lot of movies that deal with zombies, warewolves, vampires, ghosts, and all other sorts of fantasy creatures so I do occasionally have dreams with them in it… but actually not that often as I might think I would… here’s to wishing I have a dream located in Middle Earth and I am an elf!

Have you ever heard of those folks who say they can control what they dream about? I am not so sure about that to be honest. I wouldn’t dream of all the stuff I have if I could control what I dream  about. I would dream of this:


I do love orcas. They are beautiful creatures! I know that it is said your unconscious is where your dreams come from…what your deepest desires and wants are… what is troubling or distressing you. Not sure what is true but yet I continue to dream alot. And remember what I have dreamt more then am able to forget it.

Any weird or nice dreams you have had that you feel like sharing in the comments below…

*”You” was a reference to an old flame in High School who I ran back into later on and whom has never quite left my affections. My dreams won’t let me either apparently so I try in vain to move on.*


Don’t go down into the pit of dispair
Where blackness hides the stars or any light
Blindness overtakes the windows of your soul
Never to feel the warmth of happiness again
Woe to that poor wandering vagabond
Who has not heard the warnings of the siren
Might he have been saved from this perilous trip
But that he climb out of the pitch black pit
Reclaim his spot under the celestial globe
That rules the daylight hours
And the twinkling and dazzling night sky
That have seen many a vagabond never to return…