Riverdale

New series on the CW.  If asked, I most identify with Jughead.  Why might you ask?  If you aren’t up to date on the series then read no further…

I guess you can already see some similarities between us.  I like to write, as does Jughead. He is interested in local news as pertaining to the murder mystery of who killed Jason Blosom. I love murder mysteries.  Otherwise similarities are not so easy to spot, unless you know me and my back story.

Episode S1E7 made me cry. I don’t cry easy, but just let me say this episode in particular touched me.  It was because I felt what Jughead was going through with his dad.  Having a parent who is “drowning,” to use the words of Fred Andrews, Archie’s dad, you can try to help them all you want but in the end they just pull you down with them.  If they don’t want to help themselves there is NOTHING you can do to help them.  I know that Jughead still has hope.  I don’t blame him for that, but I’ve been there for such a long time I have given up hope.  I do hope for him in this series that he doesn’t have to wait long and his dad will change… but that remains to be seen.  

Chapter One: The River's Edge

Riverdale — “Pilot” — Pictured: Cole Sprouse as Jughead

You see when you are a child you don’t really understand everything about your parents. When you reach high school you think you know everything, and you don’t always see both sides to each story or know your own parent’s back story.  I have found out lots of things and a lot of them I won’t bore you with. I was always made to believe I was such a bad kid.  Truth be told, I wasn’t nearly as wild or such a bad seed!  I have only begun to find out in the past 10 years more about both of my parents.  My dad is the one who has been the one I could rely on.  My mother, on the other hand not so much.  I have been out on my own since I was about 17.  That was when my parents split up and I tried living at home with just my mom.  That just didn’t work out for me.  My mother is very controlling individual. Lots of guilt trips were put on me if I didn’t stop what I was doing straight away and bring her whatever she wanted.  No matter what I was doing. She went to a party with me after seeing a friend’s band play and I was informed that she was upstairs smoking pot. You might see my complaints as well she didn’t have it that bad. I’m not saying my life is the worst story you have ever heard…let me just state that right now.

Once I was out on my own, couch surfing and living somewhat out of my own car… she would still ask me for favors. My mother has had a few boyfriends. All of them being losers, and each one being a bigger one than the last. The first one she would call me up and have me go spy on him by driving by his house after I left work. JOY. I remember taking her over to his house to get some of her stuff back when the cops were called out to the location because they had an altercation. I remember he was with some other lady at the time who was trying to pit us against one another. I called her out on this and refused to play into her mind game. First time I cussed in front of an officer. Good times.

Then there was the second loser of a boyfriend. He had bipolar disorder and would routinely not have enough funds for his medicines so he would go without. I would on the random occasion be contacted because he was being mean to her and I was supposed to do something about it. One occasion, I was out at dinner celebrating a friend’s birthday and was called to come fix her food because he would not do so.  I also got called once because he was throwing stuff at her and I was to make sure he left the house. After she kept letting him come back I put a stop to her calling me to help her break up with him.

Now my mom is with her third boyfriend…second of which she has been living off of his disability with him. A tree came down and basically ruined her house and she for some reason thought she would try to see if they could stay with me. I knew that if I did that I would never be able to get her out of my small one bedroom apartment. So I told her no. Then I got a guilt trip on which I hung up on her. I stopped talking with my mom for about two years until her mom, my grandmother, was about to pass. We don’t talk much now and I actually like it better.

I have actually learned to let go do what is best for me… which normally means I don’t speak to my own mother. I learned what it means to love yourself first. [Thanks Jared Padalecki] To me it means to remember your feelings and what you can handle and what you can’t…and its okay to just walk away of you can’t deal.

Further on in the season, Jughead has even more emotional moments with his Dad who just isn’t there for him. I see the parallels when JP talks about how his firing is Mr. Andrew’s fault and takes none of the blame. A sentiment I know all too well. My mom is the same way that it is everyone else’s fault how her life has turned out. Somehow even partly my fault for not doing more to help her… but I refuse to believe that or feel like it is my fault. I am not responsible for supporting not only myself but my mom. I was raised to be independent and to be able to fend for myself. I don’t expect anyone else to support or help me. I’m an adult and that is my job to support myself. Maybe one day my mom can see that fact as well, but I’m not holding my breath.

Flowers in your hair

 

Where do I begin to tell you all that has happened to me?  I plan to update you with another post that will include all the comic cons I have been to this year to date. Including A Celebration of Harry Potter, Fan Expo Dallas, and Comicpalooza… (with pics ’cause pics or it didn’t happen).  I finally graduated last month with a college degree.  See below for pics…

I’m not using my degree currently at the job I am at but it gives me more options…  Plus it feels good to finally have school behind me.  There were times I felt like I might not finish but with the encouragement of my friends I was successful.

I started a new job on my birthday this year.  I work selling forms that work with the software the main company sells.  I like it.  The benefits are awesome (insurance, 401K, tons of paid time off) and I really like all of my co-workers.

I have things I am really looking forward to this year such as going to the Walker Stalker con in Tulsa and competing in GISHWHES again this year!  I also have tons of projects in the works between loom knitting, quilting, and learning how to weave.  Lots of very good books to read.  Making travel plans as I hope to be able to make it back to sunny Florida this year (make it an annual trip).

Till my next few posts full of pics, adieu!

Wild Horses

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The former things have passed away

No one can understand the feelings I have

I sometimes don’t even know why I still do

It certainly hasn’t gotten me anywhere

Three little words that mean so much to me

Do they mean as much to you?

If they don’t, I will just not say them anymore

I’m tired of hurting and you said you would be there for me

Yet you are NEVER there ever

It’s just me, myself, and I

So I’ll continue on like I always have alone

If anything I have learned to stand for something

Or you will fall for anything…

I don’t think I can mean or say those words again to you

I’m moving on for me because it’s what is best for me

adieu

Seasons: Fall

I can always tell when the seasons are changing. I love Fall. The days start staying cooler with nice breezes. The nights are the same with crisp night air plus all the stars a shining… the heat is not as oppressive. And for Texas that is saying something! There are campfires and so many more things I like doing outdoors once the temps allow. Takes me to a happy place. So that is all my friends… adieu.

Two Bellmen

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So my friend William (see pic above) [a.k.a. Willie and stunt double in the newest Spider Man flicks] Spencer is staring in this short film along with Caine Sinclair [stuman in #Grimm, another series I love to watch] called Two Bellmen.

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So the story revolves around them… and they have to save some priceless works of art being held at the #JWMarriott hotel from art thieves known as the “Purple Panthers”. It comes out on March 10th so watch the trailer and let me know what you think in the comments below.

Personally I can’t wait to see it… 😉

You can also check out the film’s website at http://twobellmen.com
Also check out this cool page http://www.substanceoverhype.com
Also check out my friend on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/iwilliamspencer

Like A Fool

I have one person I could totally dedicate this song too. For some reason though it seemed sometimes like you hated me not like you loved me and yet I stayed with you like a fool. I will never do that again. I made that promise to myself and I plan on keeping it. So as I look forward to many a journey not knowing where the road will lead… I find I am just looking forward to the journey! And if you are lonely and need a friend remember I have a seat right here next to me.

Adieu

A Hard Days Night

Today was a rough one for me. It started out early with my waking up before 8 but somehow I managed to go back to sleep until after noon… I even did good on my diet by eating a salad for lunch. Then I sat down to watch a movie called Everybody’s Fine. It had an outstanding cast. Very well acted. But unknown to me until WAY to late was a freaking tear jerker! I ended up crying until my eyes hurt because they had no more moisture left. So no not everyone was fine as the movie title suggested. They have hurt me ever since then to tell you the truth. It was saddening to see how the kids in that family made me think of my mom’s side of the family. You see my mom was the youngest of four kiddos. She has drug problems just like the youngest did in the movie. That is where the similarities stop. Everyone though in the movie was worried about their youngest brother David… who they find out has passed. They eventually have to tell their father who takes it hard…though it has been only 8 months since he lost his wife so 2 deaths in such a short period would effect anyone greatly.

On to well the point of where I was going my mom has 3 older siblings. Daniel who is the eldest, Susan who came after, Carol who was the youngest of them for 5 years until well you guessed it my mom came along. I wasn’t born yet of course but while growing up you think one way of your parents but when you become an adult you see your parents with very different view…or at least I have found this to be the case in my life. When my grandmother was out of it I found out a few startling things about my mother I did not know. I already knew what I have seen that she has certain issues she tries to not tell me about (drug usage mostly) but I wasn’t born yesterday so I see what she is doing. She lies to me. She was always asking to borrow money until at the first of this year I told her no more… I was not giving her anymore money.  Evidently I had told her this twice and she was very upset. She hasn’t talked to me since. I have no way of contacting her and since she has moved I don’t even know where she is living currently.

My dad on the other hand… well I used to think because of how my mom always told me stuff about their relationship it was his fault it ended. Now that my dad has become more like my best friend well I don’t feel that way anymore. I like I said see my parents in a different light. Like I have always been told there is always 2 sides to every story! My dad remarried and things I would have said in the beginning were great…now I would say not so great. I feel bad for him and want him to be happy. I know he is proud of me and wants me to be happy too! I am just glad to have him as my dad and as a friend.

So after the movie I got ready for church. I find that here of late I just don’t like the hugging so I wait to come in until after meet and greet is over with…  I did come in enough time to see Kianna be baptized tonight. I was also able to chit chat with my friend Ami who I hadn’t seen in a while. Then we had Pastor’s going away party to celebrate all the good times we had with them at our church. I left once all of the speeches were done.

I came out to be around the Spencers. I remember Beverly and Dave Spencer from when I came to church when I was growing up. I came out here to spend the night and then hang out tomorrow.  Spending time with the ones that matter to you is one of the best things on earth in my opinion. They have two of their children here along with their families… it was like being in a movie. All sitting around watching a movie with popcorn,  laughter, and the occasional rewind of the movie to catch something that had been missed. Makes me wonder how different would I have been if I had been in a different home situation growing up…

Just been a depressing day all around with a ray of hope here and there. Keep looking and living for those rays of hope. They are what will keep you going. Take it from me…I know from experience.