Supernatural

     I have just gotten hooked on this show Supernatural. It revolves around these two brothers (Dean and Sam aka Sammie) who hunt things [ghosts, demons, spirits, vampires, warewolves, etc.]. They go around trying to save people from what is out there… the episode I just watched they went after a djinn which is basically a genie. Not like any story of one you and I have ever heard of let me tell you.  (*spoilers coming if you haven’t seen this episode yet in season 2 close to the end of that season)
     You see this djinn makes you see your life how you wish it was and you are in a dream like state while it drains your blood and feeds off of you. Until you die of course from blood loss eventually. Now Dean and Sam were hunting this creature and Dean went to go check out where the djinn might be hiding…even though Sam wanted for them both to go check it out. Dean gets captured by the djinn who shows him how he wishes his life had been… his mom being alive, Dean settled down with a girl, Sam in law school still and now engaged to Jessica, and only thing that is the same is their dad is dead. Everyone keeps noticing how different Dean is acting like… when he found his mom alive and was so happy to see her it really got to me.
     What I would wish if I could. I would want my mom around, and how she used to be…before my dad divorced her. She just has gone downhill so much to the point where I find it better not to talk to her… she has dated one loser after another plus I am very positive she is taking drugs… she acts like she isn’t but when we did talk she was always asking for money and stuff. She doesn’t work and her whole situation is everyone else’s fault but her own… it has been almost two years that I haven’t spoken with my mom. She’s not dead like Dean and Sam’s mom. She even lives close to me in the same town even yet the person she is now is no one I want to have in my life. Sad but the truth.
     In the end Dean makes it out of the trance the djinn put him in…Sam ends up saving him. That episode like all things came to an end… happier than some as both brothers have each other and they verbalize how much they appreciate having family to count on… So whatever your family situation, be it not so dire as Dean and Sammie’s, make a point while you have those you can count on to let them know just how much they mean to you…  seize the day!

Till next time, carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more…

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Celebrate your Recovery

Are you unhappy with how your life is going? Do you happen to have a hurt, habit, or hang up you can’t figure out how to deal with? I suggest finding a local Celebrate Recovery meeting near you. I have from time to time had either a hurt, habit, or hang up that I just felt like no one else could relate with me…like I was all alone. What I see now is that was all in my head. When a friend invited me to come one night…I had already heard another speaker come to my church and talk about how Celebrate Recovery helped her out. You can check out her blog here… Same Dress Different Day. It was like God was giving me a nudge both times towards His recommendation on how to get my life going in the right direction.

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So I went to a meeting. I found out that I am not alone. There were people there who just listen to me. I am not judged. I have support from people who have been where I was and are where I want to go on the road for my recovery. They can share with me ways they found to help them make the positive changes I hope to make in my life. I have great accountability partners and a great sponsor. Plus they say the safest place to be on a Tuesday night is at Celebrate Recovery. What is said in group stays in group. They mean it! So no worries about people gossiping or your darkest thoughts being shared. Totally confidential. Kind of like the phrase, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas…”

The focus is totally faith based and we look to God for our strength. Prayer starts and ends the meetings. Bible verses are used in the step studies [where you work the 12 steps]. One of my favorites from the step study I am in now is this one:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

We also look at the serenity prayer. Sometimes recently when I am stressed or angry I will recite what I can remember from that prayer. While doing this it helps me calm down and put things into perspective. I have a copy of that below. I also hope that anyone who might be looking for a change in their lives or have a hurt, habit, or hang up they need help with see this blog. They realize they are not alone. I am here for you. So are the folks at your local celebrate recovery group.

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–If you want to sing out, sing out–

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I have always found this song very incouraging. The verses go like this… “if you want to sing out, sing out…and if you want to be free, be free… ’cause there’s a million things to be you know that there are” and then the chorus “–You can do what you want–the opportunity’s on–and if you can find a new way–you can do it today–you can make it all true–and you can make it undo–you see–its easy–” I see it as a reality that there are many possibilites out there for me and for you. In the same respect this goes towards other outlets we use. For instance, social media outlets, we have the control over what we post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumbler, WordPress (or blog site),etc… either it be for good or bad–the choice is yours.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I used to be quite the complainer–always going on and on about all the crud in my life that I couldn’t stand. I then looked at my constant negativity and realized that I needed a change. I needed to be a “light” to draw people towards the positive and point them to Jesus rather then a the alternative. So know I post uplifting photos and statuses. Sometimes I wonder if they do any good… Then I get confirmation every once in a while that someone has been benefiting from them–that it was just what they needed to see that day. It makes me realize that even when I don’t know for sure if I am making a difference to keep going…Jesus knows.

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So carry on. Fight the good fight. Be positive. Post things that uplift and point towards Jesus! You will at least lift yourself up in the process even if you don’t get confirmation you are making a difference I will bet you that you are!

“Finally, bretheren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.” ~ Philippians 4:8

My “Jonah” experience

In the book of Jonah…chapter 1 verse 1-2 it states that, “Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city , and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come before Me.” God spoke to his prophets and gave them directions on what missions He would have them do but Jonah runs off in the other direction. Like he can out run the presence of the Lord [verse 3]! He boards a boat to go to another town in the opposite direction from Nineveh. The Lord has a big storm come up. Everyone aboard is scared. The cast lots and find out that Jonah is to blame. He then tells them to throw him overboard. One he is in the water the seas calm down and the boat is safe. Jonah on the other hand gets swallowed by a big fish. Spending 3 days and nights in the belly of the fish.

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Now comes my part of the story. God still speaks to individuals in different ways to have his will carried out you see… Mine came in the form of emails. I was sent some information on a man who wanted to come and give a free cooking class. He travels all over the United States doing these… I tried to ignore the first email. Then a second one came. I answered back but told the person I was too busy to deal with this at the present time. After a time a third email came. The gentleman had called again about setting up the cooking class. I dislike very much being asked over and over about the same thing. I agreed rather reluctantly to schedule a time for him to come. Last week the time came that was scheduled. It wasn’t hard on me as he pretty much prepared everything himself. I just helped out that night. It was a big success. We had so many people show up. It was amazing. It showed me just how how God’s kept working on me…even though I resisted. His will was carried out and many people heard how to eat better from the cooking class.

YOU are more…

YOU are more… than how you are feeling you are right now at this moment. You are more than who your spouse or significant other thinks or tells you that you are… you are more than your parents think you are… you are more than your friends think you are… you are the only person on this earth that has these feelings, talents, thoughts, hobbies, and the mixture of all these things that make you the special one of a kind person that is uniquely YOU!

Why did I feel the need to write this post to the readers of my blog? A friend posted a status on Facebook about how she felt hurt because someone who is supposed to love her said hateful things to her and called her fat. I felt a connection to her. Why might you ask? In my past I let myself be talked to just like that and worse… I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over two years. He would say the most horrible things to me and what was worse is I felt what he was saying to me had to be the truth. What amazes me still is that I just took the abuse. Once I finally left him and gradually gained my self respect back I can honestly say I will never let another person talk that way to me again! I will not listen to the lies they say. I also have a hard time staying silent when others say hurtful things to my friends…

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You must always remember that you are a child of God! Cling to his word and believe only what he tells you about yourself. I wanted to share some scripture with you from Psalms 119:105-136 from the Message:

By your words I can see where I’m going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything’s falling apart on me, God ; put me together again with your Word. Festoon me with your finest sayings, God ; teach me your holy rules. My life is as close as my own hands, but I don’t forget what you have revealed. The wicked do their best to throw me off track, but I don’t swerve an inch from your course. I inherited your book on living; it’s mine forever— what a gift! And how happy it makes me! I concentrate on doing exactly what you say— I always have and always will. I hate the two-faced, but I love your clear-cut revelation. You’re my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me. Get out of my life, evildoers, so I can keep my God’s commands. Take my side as you promised; I’ll live then for sure. Don’t disappoint all my grand hopes. Stick with me and I’ll be all right; I’ll give total allegiance to your definitions of life. Expose all who drift away from your sayings; their casual idolatry is lethal. You reject earth’s wicked as so much rubbish; therefore I lovingly embrace everything you say. I shiver in awe before you; your decisions leave me speechless with reverence. I stood up for justice and the right; don’t leave me to the mercy of my oppressors. Take the side of your servant, good God; don’t let the godless take advantage of me. I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, waiting for you to keep your promise to set everything right. Let your love dictate how you deal with me; teach me from your textbook on life. I’m your servant—help me understand what that means, the inner meaning of your instructions. It’s time to act, God ; they’ve made a shambles of your revelation! Yea-Saying God, I love what you command, I love it better than gold and gemstones; Yea-Saying God, I honor everything you tell me, I despise every deceitful detour. Every word you give me is a miracle word— how could I help but obey? Break open your words, let the light shine out, let ordinary people see the meaning. Mouth open and panting, I wanted your commands more than anything. Turn my way, look kindly on me, as you always do to those who personally love you. Steady my steps with your Word of promise so nothing malign gets the better of me. Rescue me from the grip of bad men and women so I can live life your way. Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live. I cry rivers of tears because nobody’s living by your book!

I liked the part of asking God to teach me from your textbook on life [the Bible]. The Bible is full of words of promise from the Creator. Like these words from Isaiah 41:10! “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” Don’t ever doubt your worth because God loves you and will NEVER leave your side! So have no fear and be YOU. The ones who love you for exactly who you are will stick around. They are the ones you want in your life anyhow. The ones who leave were always going to keave. Let them go… you deserve better!

With love,
From your sister in Christ

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Jeremiah 33:3

So this year I decided to learn how to play the guitar. One of the first songs I am trying to work on “Call unto me” by Phil Joel [used to be with the Newsboys] is based on this scripture…

Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. Jeremiah 33:3 NLT

I wanted to share the lyrics for the song:

I can’t see the stars tonight
Clouds moving hold back the moonlight
You leave the crowd in sight
Time feels like it’s moving in slow motion
The question’s on your mind
Feel the air tonight
Something’s sturring inside
Do you feel it rising?

Call Unto Me and I will
Show you marvelous things
You would not know on your own
I hold the keys to your life
There’s so much to be shown
You’re not in this all alone

Don’t be so mistified
There’s no need to get complicated
Slow down your crazy ride
Breathe out the air you just breathed in
There are secrets to unfold
Visions to behold
About the here and now
Do you feel it rising?

Call Unto Me and I will
Show you marvelous things
You would not know on your own
I hold the keys to your life
There’s so much to be shown
You’re not in this all alone

So high
My thoughts are much higher than yours
My way is far better than yours
This way is far better

You say you wanna be safe not sorry
You say you’re done doing things the hard way
Can’t follow those feelings anymore
You’ve been trying to heal a heartbreak
But there’s still things need to be forgiven
Don’t wanna be lonely anymore

You say you really wanna run with freedom
Talk about your secret addictions
The silent treatment’s not working anymore

Call Unto Him and He will
Show you marvelous things
You would not know on your own
He holds the keys to your life
There’s so much to be shown
We’re not in this all alone

We’re not in this all alone

Call out / Call out

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This verse [and song] talks about having a conversation with Jesus. Ask for instruction and guidance. Learn about the marvelous things that only he can show you. Rely on Jesus. I think in our day and age we forget that we need help. We are a society of independent people. Showing that we need help is like being vulnerable and weak. Jesus wants you realize you can’t do it on your own and need his help. To pray to him for help. Read from the Bible. Have a relationship with Jesus. All relationships take time and effort. So why would we think we can have a relationship with Jesus and put forth no effort at all…? As a chosen one of Jesus let us live like these verses below describe:

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. Colossians 3:12-17 MSG

i FINALLY forgive you

Tonight I went to this women’s event where the speaker gave a talk on forgiveness. She forgave the two men who kidnapped her and her boyfriend. They did unspeakable & horrible things to her yet she forgave them. That is to say hearing her story inspired me that I still haven’t really truly forgiven certain individuals.

A quote she used that I really liked was from C. S. Lewis…”everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”

So I came home and started thinking…well even before that while I was still at the event. I haven’t forgiven my ex Jason. I have tried to forget him, I have tried dating other people, and other stuff but I haven’t tried this so just bear with me. I will attempt to explain as I continue what I am trying to accomplish. I am going to write a letter and put it on my blog not because he has asked for it, nor because he might see it, because maybe getting this all out will help me to completely forgive and move on…

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Dear Jason,
     When I first met you it was like how every relationship starts… how it ended well we went our separate ways. In the beginning we would fight and it felt we were both in it trying to make things work. It just shouldn’t ever be that hard to make something work. Our fights were far too often and just should have told us how wrong for each other, if we had been reading the signs. Lack of communication left me feeling lonely and unloved most of the time. You barely told me you loved me like twice in two and a half years. I wanted to spend time with you and remember being told that I did get to spend time with you when we slept in the same bed together! How is sleeping ever considered spending time with someone? You were always spending more time with your guy friends than with me. I cooked quite a bit and only cleaned when you nagged me too… I then gained weight because I have never really worked out, plus we ate really late dinners all the time, and I was somewhat depressed. Lastly to top it all off you then started making fun of me for weighing 5 pounds more than you AND you never wanted to have sex with me (maybe once a month) plus wouldn’t tell me why. I finally asked you why and you responded back with, “I had grown quite chubby, you wanted me to go back down to the weight I was when we first met, and you didn’t want me to end up like my mom.” Oh and I forgot to mention how you would joke at my expense saying hurtful things to me and then would always say you were “just joking”! When you hear things enough spoken even if you say that phrase I started to assume you weren’t just joking…there was some truth to it. I haven’t seen you since we broke up…not once. I was hurt and broken by the treatment I let myself go through at the time from you. I know you haven’t asked for this but I forgive you. Not for your sake but for mine. I figured out why I stayed so long in a relationship as bad as ours was and it reminded me of how my parents relationship was. It felt normal after seeing years of my parents always fighting and struggling. Because of that experience I was able to express things to my father and now we are very close. So for that I am thankful…as well as I don’t take crap from guys anymore like I did from you. Lesson learned. So please forgive me for cheating on you once but I had to make sure I didn’t come back to you. I already had come back once and we tried it again…but it was meant to end.

Sincerely,
Carolyn

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I sin every day. I am not perfect but I try to be a good person. I have values and morals I hold myself to follow. The Bible tells how we should forgive as Jesus forgave us…

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Colossians 3:12-14 MSG

Live. Love. Forgive.
Sometimes hard but that’s life!