One of the feelings I feel most uncomfortable with is feeling vulnerable. But to care about another person in my opinion is to some extent when you become vulnerable. You can’t control how or what they feel towards you. Can’t make someone like you or care about you…and vice versa. I used to say in the past I was fearless. I didn’t care if I was out on a limb or could get hurt all that mattered was I was going to be true to how I felt about someone. I would say that age and heart break has me a little more on the cautious side and slow to become attached to anyone. I am always looking back to the past. Sometimes I remember memories of happy times. I am fortunate to have a lot of times where I remember being happy. (I also have many times where I was miserable as well unfortunately.) When I listen to a song that reminds me fondly of someone. Or a movie like I watched tonight where they were were kissing in the rain just like we did. Or even a picture can jog up a memory.
Like sitting out under the moon at the edge of a pier talking about life. Being close to that special someone in your life… being open and vulnerable. Swimming in the lake at midnight and hiding from the sheriff. That look, come on you know what I am talking about, between two souls. Looking up at the stars and wondering what they see when they look down upon us every night…
I have been thinking a lot after such a week as I had… well as you can tell from my rambling on here as well. I have someone that I am interested in and I am taking that day by day. I have a friend who is like a little brother to me and we have been hanging out quite a bit. That has been nice for a change and I feel very comfortable talking to… I also have that type of relationship with my Dad (as in I can tell him anything). I also have run into some people who I used to go to High School with this past week. It was unexpected and the people in question are not ones I even wanted to run back into. Oh well.
So now my weekend is half over with. Hung out with “little brother” last night till late watching a series and talking. Tonight I went to church then had a friend over…we watched movies and she is spending the night. As for tomorrow or wait later on today… I am supposed to see [the guy] and spend some time with him. He is taking me somewhere and won’t tell me where. Oh well guess it will be a surprise for me. Well it is really late in the morning and I am listening to The Wallflowers. I must pass out before the sun starts coming up (even though it’s not that late yet). Guess the point of this whole thing is I am happy in this moment, and that is good enough for me.