Times Like These

I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again

I honestly have always loved this song… when I have something on my mind I end up listening to it and getting lost in thought. It played today on my playlist and it was perfect timing to think of recent events. I think this song talks about new times in our life that come about… do we let the new things teach us and mold us into the people we are becoming? Or do we runaway scared of ourselves and leave behind the chance of something great happening or it could turn out not so hot… decisions to make every day. I have these moments where I feel like the things I am going through right then are awakening me to where I almost feel like I haven’t really been living but just going through the motions. It’s times like these that I feel like it says I am learning to live, give, and love again…. time and time again over the years.

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I have heard this song at different points in my life. “It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.” This one phrase seems to sum up almost every relationship I have ever been in… I have no happy ending to tell. I end up just trying to enjoy the time spent with whoever I end up with. For if my life has has shown me anything that change can be counted on and nothing stays the same time and time again. I have come to just expect it…

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I have come to the point where it’s like I have woken up out of a dream…to realize I am alive. I want more then what I have settled for a long time. I guess I have a few different things at this time to thank for this… I have a few things I want to do to get my plan into motion. I want to loose weight so I am healthier. This will no doubt have me needing to work out to accomplish this… I want to let my hair grow out again… I like it short but I feel like it looks better longer… I have almost finished school and I am proud of that. I have a habit of starting things but not finishing them. Maybe something I can change… like the photo above I will just start right here where I am and use what I have to do what I can…

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February Stars

One of the feelings I feel most uncomfortable with is feeling vulnerable. But to care about another person in my opinion is to some extent when you become vulnerable. You can’t control how or what they feel towards you. Can’t make someone like you or care about you…and vice versa. I used to say in the past I was fearless. I didn’t care if I was out on a limb or could get hurt all that mattered was I was going to be true to how I felt about someone. I would say that age and heart break has me a little more on the cautious side and slow to become attached to anyone. I am always looking back to the past. Sometimes I remember memories of happy times. I am fortunate to have a lot of times where I remember being happy. (I also have many times where I was miserable as well unfortunately.) When I listen to a song that reminds me fondly of someone. Or a movie like I watched tonight where they were were kissing in the rain just like we did. Or even a picture can jog up a memory.

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Like sitting out under the moon at the edge of a pier talking about life. Being close to that special someone in your life… being open and vulnerable. Swimming in the lake at midnight and hiding from the sheriff. That look, come on you know what I am talking about, between two souls. Looking up at the stars and wondering what they see when they look down upon us every night…

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I have been thinking a lot after such a week as I had… well as you can tell from my rambling on here as well. I have someone that I am interested in and I am taking that day by day. I have a friend who is like a little brother to me and we have been hanging out quite a bit. That has been nice for a change and I feel very comfortable talking to… I also have that type of relationship with my Dad (as in I can tell him anything). I also have run into some people who I used to go to High School with this past week. It was unexpected and the people in question are not ones I even wanted to run back into. Oh well.
So now my weekend is half over with. Hung out with “little brother” last night till late watching a series and talking. Tonight I went to church then had a friend over…we watched movies and she is spending the night. As for tomorrow or wait later on today… I am supposed to see [the guy] and spend some time with him. He is taking me somewhere and won’t tell me where. Oh well guess it will be a surprise for me. Well it is really late in the morning and I am listening to The Wallflowers. I must pass out before the sun starts coming up (even though it’s not that late yet). Guess the point of this whole thing is I am happy in this moment, and that is good enough for me.