A Hard Days Night

Today was a rough one for me. It started out early with my waking up before 8 but somehow I managed to go back to sleep until after noon… I even did good on my diet by eating a salad for lunch. Then I sat down to watch a movie called Everybody’s Fine. It had an outstanding cast. Very well acted. But unknown to me until WAY to late was a freaking tear jerker! I ended up crying until my eyes hurt because they had no more moisture left. So no not everyone was fine as the movie title suggested. They have hurt me ever since then to tell you the truth. It was saddening to see how the kids in that family made me think of my mom’s side of the family. You see my mom was the youngest of four kiddos. She has drug problems just like the youngest did in the movie. That is where the similarities stop. Everyone though in the movie was worried about their youngest brother David… who they find out has passed. They eventually have to tell their father who takes it hard…though it has been only 8 months since he lost his wife so 2 deaths in such a short period would effect anyone greatly.

On to well the point of where I was going my mom has 3 older siblings. Daniel who is the eldest, Susan who came after, Carol who was the youngest of them for 5 years until well you guessed it my mom came along. I wasn’t born yet of course but while growing up you think one way of your parents but when you become an adult you see your parents with very different view…or at least I have found this to be the case in my life. When my grandmother was out of it I found out a few startling things about my mother I did not know. I already knew what I have seen that she has certain issues she tries to not tell me about (drug usage mostly) but I wasn’t born yesterday so I see what she is doing. She lies to me. She was always asking to borrow money until at the first of this year I told her no more… I was not giving her anymore money.  Evidently I had told her this twice and she was very upset. She hasn’t talked to me since. I have no way of contacting her and since she has moved I don’t even know where she is living currently.

My dad on the other hand… well I used to think because of how my mom always told me stuff about their relationship it was his fault it ended. Now that my dad has become more like my best friend well I don’t feel that way anymore. I like I said see my parents in a different light. Like I have always been told there is always 2 sides to every story! My dad remarried and things I would have said in the beginning were great…now I would say not so great. I feel bad for him and want him to be happy. I know he is proud of me and wants me to be happy too! I am just glad to have him as my dad and as a friend.

So after the movie I got ready for church. I find that here of late I just don’t like the hugging so I wait to come in until after meet and greet is over with…  I did come in enough time to see Kianna be baptized tonight. I was also able to chit chat with my friend Ami who I hadn’t seen in a while. Then we had Pastor’s going away party to celebrate all the good times we had with them at our church. I left once all of the speeches were done.

I came out to be around the Spencers. I remember Beverly and Dave Spencer from when I came to church when I was growing up. I came out here to spend the night and then hang out tomorrow.  Spending time with the ones that matter to you is one of the best things on earth in my opinion. They have two of their children here along with their families… it was like being in a movie. All sitting around watching a movie with popcorn,  laughter, and the occasional rewind of the movie to catch something that had been missed. Makes me wonder how different would I have been if I had been in a different home situation growing up…

Just been a depressing day all around with a ray of hope here and there. Keep looking and living for those rays of hope. They are what will keep you going. Take it from me…I know from experience.

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