Memories of things in my past are like pages of a well read book… I like to take down from the bookshelf every once in a while and reread over certain sections… I always think of Gatsby saying “Can’t re-live the past, why of course you can…” and that is what I allow myself to do. It took watching a kids movie today (went and watched Frozen with a friend) to realize that I don’t think I have ever known what true love is… But I think that this weekend I have seen true love from friends who care about me. I did something stupid. I was scared to come clean feeling that I might be judged for what I had let transpire. Instead I was given some great advice from people who are looking out for my best interests. Not one of them made me feel guilty but they helped lift me up. Helped me realize again that I deserve someone very special who loves God like I do and who will treat me with respect, with kindness, and someone who will love me for me. I actually do deserve that. I know one of the reasons why God led me back to church to give me such great friends in my life for such a time as this.
So I still take walks down memory lane. My memories and the people who came into my life have made me the person I am today. Sometimes I am not proud of the person who I was but here of late I have been okay with myself. I am changing a little each day. I know that with forgiveness (love the song by TobyMac) from God and giving myself forgiveness when I mess up… I am still traveling down the path I feel God has set out before me. I will take those wonderful friends who truly love me along with me on this journey. I know that this time of darkness is just a wrinkle in time… but I have such a support system in my life that I know I will make it through. I have faith. I have hope. I have love.