So last night I was just watching a movie and felt blue out of no where. While I know that this is just all my emotions and hormones going whack it still sucks. Tears flooded not only my eyes but the shirt I wore… then I prayed to find a silver lining. See it’s hard to adjust to changes that are so major even if you have no other choice but now deal with the cold hard fact that no matter what you will never have a child of your own. I mean if I wanted to I could find a surrogate and have one…but that will probably never happen. You feel like no one might ever want to choose you verses another woman who can give them children of their own. So with all those thoughts and more flooding my mind I kept praying to Jesus to help give me a glimpse at hope. I started looking at different channels on my Roku player and found my Vimeo channel. I set it up quickly and then looked up some videos. I came across one by DeVon Franklin giving his testimony. Jesus answered my prayer and gave me back my hope. DeVon told this story of a friend who lost his job. Later on that same friend wrote a screenplay called Jumping the Broom which Devon’s studio made into a movie. It was the first time his friend had a movie produced. If he had simply given up there never would have been a movie. It did take 10 years after getting fired. It happened in Jesus’ timing which is perfect. It gave me hope. Don’t give up because what you think you are going through today is too difficult to handle… give it up to Jesus who may use what you find to be discouraging as a blessing to you instead. That is how I am looking at this situation that I find myself in. It is too big for my mind to handle or figure out so I am turning to Jesus… lead me to where I should go from here!
Isaiah 54 (The Message)
Spread Out! Think Big!
54 1-6 “Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who’ve never experienced childbirth! You’re ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women.” God says so! “Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You’re going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You’re going to take over whole nations; you’re going to resettle abandoned cities. Don’t be afraid—you’re not going to be embarrassed. Don’t hold back—you’re not going to come up short. You’ll forget all about the humiliations of your youth, and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory. For your Maker is your bridegroom, his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel, known as God of the whole earth. You were like an abandoned wife, devastated with grief, and God welcomed you back, Like a woman married young and then left,” says your God.
7-8 Your Redeemer God says:
“I left you, but only for a moment. Now, with enormous compassion, I’m bringing you back. In an outburst of anger I turned my back on you—but only for a moment. It’s with lasting love that I’m tenderly caring for you.
9-10 “This exile is just like the days of Noah for me: I promised then that the waters of Noah would never again flood the earth. I’m promising now no more anger, no more dressing you down. For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, My love won’t walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.” The God who has compassion on you says so.
11-17 “Afflicted city, storm-battered, unpitied: I’m about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise, Lay your foundations with sapphires, construct your towers with rubies, Your gates with jewels, and all your walls with precious stones. All your children will have God for their teacher— what a mentor for your children! You’ll be built solid, grounded in righteousness, far from any trouble—nothing to fear! far from terror—it won’t even come close! If anyone attacks you, don’t for a moment suppose that I sent them, And if any should attack, nothing will come of it. I create the blacksmith who fires up his forge and makes a weapon designed to kill. I also create the destroyer— but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged. Any accuser who takes you to court will be dismissed as a liar. This is what God’s servants can expect. I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best.”